If I had a dollar for every time I have heard someone say ‘If only I had high self-esteem, everything else would be better’, ‘if only I had high self-esteem, I would be a much better mum/wife/friend’ I would be in the Bahamas on a private island being served pina coladas (and possibly be dancing in the rain!)
Let’s first talk about what self-esteem is – well, in my simple terminology.
‘Your OWN perception of yourself’
And I’m not far off the dictionary meaning – ‘confidence in one's own worth or abilities; self-respect’ – theirs is just fancier.
It’s no secret that high self-esteem is something that everyone wants, but is it something that everyone actively creates in their lives? Think about that… actively creating it in your life…do you do that?
We can also refer to high self esteem as high self confidence, or more so I like to say when you ooze high self esteem you in turn have high self-confidence. So, how’s your self esteem/self confidence?
Since releasing my first blog ‘I was a super mum, but tried to jump out of a moving car’ I have had a lot of people say to me ‘I wish I could have confidence like you’ ‘I wish I could be happy like you are now’ ‘I hope I can get to the point where you are today’ and while ‘hoping’ and ‘wishing’ is great, it’s about understanding what you want, what you want to feel and then actively making changes in your life to make that reality. Seems simple when I say it like that doesn’t it? Well, I’m here to tell you that it took me 5 years to figure this out – 5 YEARS! But, once I understood what I wanted, how I wanted to feel and that I did have a choice it all started to fall into place – so let’s unpack this ‘actively creating high self-esteem/confidence’
The first part may seem quite simple – but stick with me:
- Love yourself.
If you don’t like yourself, how can you expect other to like you? Ok yes, there are going to be haters out there, people who just simply don’t like another person and that’s ok but that is a decision they have made and let’s be real, they’re totally missing out!
So you can instruct people how to think about you. That’s right, instruct people how to think about you…now, this doesn’t mean going up to people and saying ‘I’m well liked, I can tell you all these people who think I’m totally amazing’ no, please don’t do that – its creepy! Haha.
Its much simpler than that…like yourself, better yet…LOVE yourself! Teach people how to treat you by showing them how you treat yourself. Isn’t that mind blowing! Now, this means turning up, talking about yourself in a kind way, treating yourself with respect and in turn this shows others how you like to be treated.
I’ll put it in another context for you. If I say ‘There is this amazing restaurant in Braddon, Canberra that has this to die for duck buns – you have to try them’ then you will want to try them am I right? (I’m talking about Eighty-Six just in case you’re wondering – and I’ve been thinking about them all day – YUM!) You can do the same with yourself!
Now loving yourself and having high self esteem/confidence isn’t about trying to be someone you are not SO people like you. It is about being your try authentic self and YOU loving every part of it and instructing others to think of you highly. And when others are nice to us, and other like us we love ourselves even more…am I right?
I want you to think for a moment. Have you even been talking to someone and the conversation just be draining with negativity and the other person being so down on themselves? Now, most people don’t even know they are doing this, but how did this make you feel? And more importantly, how did it make you feel about the other person? I’m going to say not highly, because I surely don’t feel great when this happens to me!
Now, I’m not saying to walk around saying to everyone ‘Look how amazing I am, wow I’m just brilliant’. That’s just a little weird, although I can be caught doing that while my husband rolls his eyes. Ok, back to the point, so instead of walking around saying how brilliant you are (like creepy me) just remember that you are showing others how they should think about you by how you think about yourself.
- Confidence vs. Self-confidence
You might be thinking ‘is there even a difference?’ agh, hell yes there is!
Confidence – is where you know how do a task well, and know if an issue arises that you know how to overcome it because you have the skills to do so. Let’s use football as an example. You might be a very confident football player, you have practiced for a long time and have the skills to ‘tackle’ and obstacles that may arise
Now, self-confidence is the emotional aspect of being confident. People with high self-confidence have positive thoughts about themselves and in turn they have positive thoughts towards others. Self-confidence is based on your mindset, on the way you think – your own perception of yourself.
- Arrogance vs. high self-esteem/self-confidence
Now, all this talk about loving yourself and oozing high self esteem may have you thinking ‘this just sounds like arrogance’ but I’m here to tell you there is a difference – a massive difference.
Now, an arrogant person would say ‘I’m better than everyone else, they are terrible, I’m much better than them.’ They are coming from a negative insecure place, trying to be better than everyone else.
Someone with high self esteem/confidence will not put people down or feel the need to judge others. They will see all people as equals. You see we were all put on this earth to be humans – that’s it! Bill Gates may be better than me at developing a software company, or Michael Jordan may be a MUCH better basketball player than me, but we are equal at being humans.
Huge difference yeah?
So remember to be and love your authentic self – show yourself and everyone around you just how bloody amazing you are!